There is a difference between love and an addiction to love. Real love is when you don’t derive your strength or security from your partner; you have your own. Addiction to love is where your security comes from the other person, and you don’t have control over your personality or moods. Your moods depend on how the other person is treating you in the moment. The loss of control is something you resign yourself to. Real love is not about control in any way.
Relationships are often up and down with challenges that present themselves. Real love works through the challenges but addicted love includes a cycle of compromising and depression. If your partner discusses a problem, you realize you may lose the person and may begin to compromise. Depression is often part of the process, followed by elation when you realize your partner isn’t leaving after all.
The emotional highs and lows are more even in real love compared to toxic love relationships. In a toxic relationship, the partner will have another excuse and another excuse for behaving in a certain way, and this never leads to having any type of mental stability. Years could go on without mental stability, paving the way into mental illness.
What are the Signs of Addicted Love?
- You’re not happy unless someone loves you.
You don’t feel as if your personage counts in a relationship.
- You rearrange your schedule to accommodate your partner.
Your time is never your own; whatever your partner wants to do and when he/she wants to do it is always the priority.
- Everything in your life reminds you of your partner.
Your mind makes associations of everything to your partner. It almost becomes true to you that ABC = your partner. The Mercedes he drives (and every other Mercedes on the road) = him. His favorite color blue = him and everything that is blue = him. His favorite drink and restaurant = him. The list of associations is endless.
- If your partner threatened a breakup, you would have thoughts of suicide.
Because your partner is so engrained in every part of your being, you can’t imagine life without him/her. You also can’t remember what life was like without him/her.
- When you’re around your partner, you feel things like heart palpitations, trembling, flushing, and even feel a bit weak.
This occurs because of the neurotransmitter flood into your brain during your encounters.
- When another person is interested in you (or your partner in the beginning), you feel an elated sense of happiness or euphoria.
You rarely feel this good when anything else happens that is positive.
- When you’re away from your partner, you often think about what it was like to be with him/her and relive events.
This is called ruminating thoughts. When it occurs, it’s difficult to focus on responsibilities in life.
- You double guess what your partner’s actions and words mean.
You want to get it right because you’re fearful of losing the person.
- When doing your job, thoughts about your partner often flood your mind and it’s difficult to concentrate.
- When you think of your partner, you think he/she is absolutely ideal.
You oversee every negative quality of your partner.
- When you meet someone new, your mind searches endlessly that the person likes you.
You can’t stand on your own foundation and feel adequate unless someone else likes you.
Love addiction is real for a lot of people. This is why it’s often one of the disorders that is worked on while people are in drug treatment or alcohol treatment.
If you enter a drug rehab for addiction treatment, make sure you bring up the possibility of love addiction if this applies to you. Addictions may start out as one addiction at a time, but can easily transfer to other types of addiction.
You can start out with an opiate addiction and then add an alcohol addiction, and go to drug rehab and make great progress, but then end up back in for drug treatment or alcoholism and have an addiction to gambling, shopping and love. Make a concerted effort to eliminate all your addictions when you’re there at the drug/alcohol rehab for treatment. It will save you a lot of time and money and grief.